User:R0twang/Guide
R0twang's True Beginner's Guide to NetHack
1. Play Something Else Instead Ok. So the first rule to enjoying NetHack? Don't start playing it. Seriously. NetHack sucks. I was a happy person before I started playing this game. You know what is a good game? Diablo. Go play that instead. Or maybe that's too simple and you seriously need overwhelming complexity in your life? Then Dwarf Fortress is for you! It's way prettier, way more sophisticated, and way more satisfying than NetHack. Go play that. (I'm kind of an open-source purist, and that kept me from Dwarf Fortress years ago. Don't make that mistake. The guys who develop Dwarf Fortress live in their mom's basement and work for donations. There's nothing more pure than that, even if they keep the code to themselves.)
You read all those raving idiots on the internet talking about how NetHack is the greatest game ever created? You saw MoMA has it on their list of games being acquired for their permanent collection? You still want to play? I'm telling you, forget it. NetHack is soul-destroyingly heart-breakingly cruel. You know what game you can't win but somehow remain satisfying to play? Dwarf Fortress. You know what game you can win, but even if you do it is really a pretty big letdown? NetHack.
You still want to play? Because you read some propaganda about how Nethack is an incredibly old game still under development? Don't believe anything you read about NetHack, there are more legends about NetHack than Bigfoot. Most of them have about the same amount of truth. One last reason to go start reading the quick-start guide to Dwarf Fortress right now: because you make mistakes typing. Dwarf Fortress doesn't care. NetHack does. One slip of the finger in NetHack, one character out of place, one y when you meant n (which are, of course, also directional keys,) and that's it, your character you put weeks of playing into is dead. And there are no second chances in NetHack.
Dwarf Fortress rewards creativity and sophistication. NetHack punishes people who take chances, and rewards people who cringe in corners and type very very slowly and accurately. Think about that next time you are reading some zealot's post about the amazingness of NetHack.
