The Grid Bug's Fane
The names of those who contributed their angstiest lines in realtime over IRC have been omitted to protect the guilty. NetHackWiki accepts no responsibility for brain damage or bleeding around the eyes which may occur while reading this poem.
In the dark dungeons of NetHack My soul unwinds Slain by a grid bug My heart like a cursed bag of holding And your tainted love was like a wand of cancellation I wished for happiness But all I got was a woodchuck Rest in peace Hachi Killed by a falling rock trap Stupid fucking dog Happiness not for sale Asidonhopo the purveyor of my misery Love stolen away in the night Gremlins sear my breast My scrolls of light are all cursed Aggravate monster All my pets go feral Even Sting blasts me No beauty in the dungeon No flowers here Only fungus shall adorn my grave Life is HP loss Every moment weighs me down like a loadstone My breaths like scrolls of punishment Oh sweet Aleax Come release me from this torment I put off my amulet of life saving The Wizard looms; he comes for me. Oh! Raise me not as a zombie I long for the pit's embrace. Save me not with the bell.
Don't say you weren't warned.