User:Wikid/Random Set

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Spilled from the stages of VoR's Hallucinatory Bestiary, we bring you an entirely random set of said propositions. Many of these could be classed as enhanced mimics. They preferentially spawn within shops, where they replace mimics with around 2% frequency. They are solitary monsters that are generated asleep, and are woken by contact.

Apologetic Customer

The apologetic customer is mainly a nuisance to other shoppers, because of their effect on shopkeepers. Apologetic customers pick up and carry the shop inventory (67% chance to pick up / 33% change to drop each item each turn). The shopkeeper considers this to be unsold inventory in possession of the player character, and therefore stands in front of the door (congratulations to anyone who knows how to code that). That renders the shop mostly un-usable. Apologetic customers can be heard to say

"Oh dear, excuse me." 
"I'm sorry!"
"How much did you say that costs?" 

Chatting to a peaceful apologetic customer prompts them to offer to sell their inventory items. The shopkeeper will no longer consider the purchased items to be unsold.

Apologetic Customer @
Template Human (monster)
Alignment 7 (lawful)
Frequency 0 (Not randomly generated)
An apologetic customer Can talk

At {Company Name}, we take pride in ensuring our customer’s satisfaction. Unfortunately, we did not meet your—or our own—expectations. Upon thorough review of the situation, we narrowed the cause to {key staff changes, recent internal system update, office relocation, etc…}.

As a testament to our strive for perfection, we have taken steps to ensure that this will never happen again by {creating company wide training sessions, installing new back-up systems, creating an internal auditing team, etc…}.

Atomic budgie

Smiting one atomic budgie can ruin your whole day, and that of those around you. On the other hand, they make excellent pets, for certain (one-off) applications. They spawn in pet stores.

Atomic budgie B
Template Raven
Attacks Bite 1d6, claw 1d6 blinding (no damage), explodes when killed with wide-angle disintegration beam and ceiling collapses (as per scroll of earth) to surrounding 8 squares, blindness, stunning, and 3d6 fire and 3d6 blast damage to all squares in line of sight
Frequency 0 (Not randomly generated)

The atomic bomb certainly is the most powerful of all weapons, but it is conclusively powerful and effective only in the hands of the nation which controls the sky.

Lyndon B. Johnson

Hypotonic saline infusion

Unsuspecting Adventurers may blunder into a hypotonic saline infusion, a future tech type of nurse-substitute. It spawns in potion stores.

Hypotonic saline infusion !
Template Nurse
Frequency 0 (Not randomly generated)
Drops 1 potion of full healing

There is no body cavity that cannot be reached with a number fourteen needle and a good strong arm.

Samuel Shem

Perfidious Albion

A perfidious Albion is an annoying sort of animated towel. It may seem to be asleep, but in reality it is there to steal your things. It spawns in hardware stores.

Perfidious Albion (
Template Monkey
Frequency 0 (Not randomly generated)
Drops towel

"Attaquons dans ses eaux
        La perfide Albion"

Augustin, Marquis de Ximenez (1726-1817), "L'Ere des Francais, 1793

Protest vote

The Mighty of the World can still be made to stumble by the protest vote. It appears in book stores.

Protest vote ?
Template Yellow light
Attacks Passive explode stun
Frequency 0 (Not randomly generated)
Drops 1 random scroll, 20% chance magic marker.

Every night as I gazed up at the window I said softly to myself the word paralysis. It had always sounded strangely in my ears, like the word gnomon in the Euclid and the word simony in the Catechism. But now it sounded to me like the name of some maleficent and sinful being. It filled me with fear, and yet I longed to be nearer to it and to look upon its deadly work.

James Joyce, Dubliners

Registered trademark

Registered trademarks can snag the unwary. They appear in general stores.

Registered trademark ?
Template Wood nymph
Frequency 0 (Not randomly generated)
Drops 1 random scroll, 20% chance magic marker.

My hand landed on a rock, and the gnome landed on it, squashing my thumb between the rock and the gnome. Basically, it was crushed and took the end of my thumb off. I just looked at my hand, and the first thought that flashed into my mind was, 'How on earth am I going to make my devil horn sign now? That's my trademark!'

Ronnie James Dio

Round tuit

Whoops! You got a round tuit. It spawns in hardware stores.

Round tuit (
Template Bat
Frequency 0 (Not randomly generated)
Drops 1 potions of speed

“Someday", you said you'd do it yesterday; Yesterday, you said you'll do it today. Today, if you push it to tomorrow, it's likely tomorrow, you'll shift it to "Someday"! Do it now!”

Israelmore Ayivor, Daily Drive 365

Sinking feeling

Uh-oh! That sinking feeling spawns in potion stores.

Sinking feeling #
Template Black pudding
Frequency 0 (Not randomly generated)

There's a smell in here that will outlast religion

Kenny (film, 2006)

Winning ticket

Winning tickets are noticeably golden. They spawn in book stores

Winning ticket ?
Template Black light (made visible)
Frequency 0 (Not randomly generated)
Drops 1 random scroll, 20% chance magic marker.

Grandpa George: The kids who are going to find the golden tickets are the ones who can afford to buy candy bars every day! Our Charlie gets only one a year. He doesn't have a chance.
Grandma Josephine: Everyone has a chance, Charlie.
Grandpa George: Mark my words. The kid who finds the first ticket will be fat, fat, fat.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, 2005